Dear Tomoyo
by The Flower Child
Summary: This is probably the saddest story you'll ever read. I was watching Dear Ashley on All That and thought of this. The cast writes letters to Tomoyo, asking for advice with their problems. PG for screaming.


**DEAR TOMOYO  
  
A/N - This is very stupid. Yes it is. A symptom of the bored/writers block fever. Enjoy, if you can. - The Flower Child  
  
Disclaimer - Why are you reading this? It only says I don't own CardcaptorSakura!  
  
*  
  
Hi and welcome to Dear Tomoyo! [That's me!] Today we will be reading some of your letters. The first letter is from a little girl named Li Meilin. She writes -  
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]_  
  
I have a problem with my hair. I wear it the same way day after day. Do you have any suggestions?_  
  
_Li Meilin_  
  
Hmm... as a matter of fact I do have a suggestion. STYLE YOUR STINKIN' HAIR! PULL IT UP IN A STINKIN' PONYTAIL OR SOMETHING! OH, I'M SORRY. MAYBE PULLING YOUR HAIR TOO TIGHT MIGHT SQUEEZE OUT YOUR STINKIN' BRAIN...if you have one that is... SHEESH! *AheM* The next letter comes from Li Syaoran. He writes -   
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_I realy have to go the bathroom, but there's someone already in there! What should I do? Hurry!  
  
Li Syaoran_  
  
Well, I have an idea! KNOCK ON THE STINKIN' DOOR! YOU IMBASIL, WHAT KIND OF STINKIN' MORON ARE YOU? Oh yeah, A STUPID ONE! Freak... Our next letter comes from Tsukishiro Yukito. He writes -  
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_I am very ugly. I've tried everything I could think of, even putting a paper bag over my head. Please help me!  
  
Tsukishiro Yukito  
_  
Well, I have a suggestion. STAY IN YOUR STINKIN' HOUSE! DON'T EVER SHOW YOUR FACE TO MANKIND AGAIN! Thank You. Our next letter is Kinomoto Nadeshiko. She writes -   
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_I have died a very long time ago. I am writing from heavan. Do you know how to become a real person again?  
  
Kinomoto Nadeshiko_  
  
Okay, next letter. It's from Hiiragizawa Eriol. He writes -   
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_I am your biggest fan! I love you so much, can I have your autograph?  
  
Hiiragizawa Eriol  
_  
Let's see... NO YOU CAN'T HAVE MY AOUTOGRAPH BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A PEN RIGHT NOW! Okay, the next letter comes from Daidouji Sonomi. She writes -   
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_Hello honey! How is your TV debute going? I hope your having lot's of fun helping kids out with their problems! I miss you very much!  
  
Daidouji Sonomi, Mother_  
  
MOTHER! DON'T EVER SEND ME ANOTHER STINKIN' LETTER WHILE I'M BROADCASTING ON LIVE TV! Anywho,our next letter was sent in by someone named Kero-Chan. He writes -   
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_I can't find my TV remote control! I havn't watched TV in a week! Help!  
  
Kero-Chan  
_  
Well, HAVE YOU CHECKED ON TOP OF THE STINKIN' TV? OR IN THE STINKIN' COUCH? Stipid... our next letter is from Yamazaki Takashi. He writes -   
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_I tell a lot of lies. My friend always hits me on the head to get me to shut up. Now my head hurts. What should I do?  
  
Yamazaki Takashi_  
  
I suggest you STOP TELLING YOUR STINKIN' LIES! DUH! OR, JUST GET A STINKIN' ICE PACK AND PUT IT ON YOUR STINKIN' HEAD! MAN! C'MON ALREADY! Oh... hehe... our next letter comes from Kinomoto Touya. He writes -  
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_I am in high school and all of my friends have cars that they drive to school. I ride my bike. I always get there last! Any advice for me?  
  
Kinomoto Touya_  
  
My advice would be to GET A STINKIN' DRIVER'S LICENCE! THROW YOUR STINKIN' BIKE IN THE STINKIN' TRASH AND BUY A STINKIN' BMW! JEEZE! Our next letter is from a girl by the name of Kinomoto Sakura. She writes -   
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_I am insane. I walk around with a stick and cards and I talk to my stuffed animals. What should I do?  
  
Kinomoto Sakura_  
  
I think... YOU SHOULD SEE A STINKIN' PSYCHIATRIST! WHY DON'T YOU HIT YOURSELF WITH THE STINKIN' STICK AND KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO YOUR STINKIN' BRAIN! MAN! Our next letter is from Sasaki Rika. She writes -   
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_I am in love with my teacher. Everyone seems to think it's funny. What should I do?  
  
Sasaki Rika  
_  
GET A STINKIN' LIFE! Our next letter comes from Terada-Sensei. He writes -   
  
_Dear Tomoyo, _[That's Me!]  
  
_I seem to bore people in all of my classes. No one ever pays any attention. What advice do you have for me?  
  
Terada-Sensei_  
  
My advice to you is LET THEM DO WHATEVER THEY STINKIN' WANT! I WOULD FEEL PRETTY STININ' BORED LISTENING TO YOU AS WELL! Hmph. Our next letter comes froms Yanagisawa Naoko. She writes -   
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_I really love ghosts and are not scared of them. Do you think one of them will ever come visit me?  
  
Yanagisawa Naoko_  
  
The way I see it... NO! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE STINKIN' SCARED OF THEM FOR THEM TO COME! Jerk... anyway our next letter comes from Akizuki Nakuru. She writes -   
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_I'm not sure what gender I am. Can you tell me how I can find out?  
  
Akizuki Nakuru  
_  
Well, why don't you JUST STINKIN' LOOK FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD! Te-he, our next letter comes from Kinomoto Fujitaka. He writes -   
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_I like to cook. My kids like my food, and they say I should try new recipies. Know anything good?  
  
Kinomoto Fujitaka_  
  
Well, I don't, but, WHY DON'T YOU BUY A STINKIN' COOKBOOK? A COOKBOOK DUMMY! WHY DON'T YOU TRY MAKING FISH! IT'S BRAIN FOOD! Sheesh! Oh, our next letter comes from Spinal-Sun. He writes -   
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_I often get sugar high and start crashing into walls. Anything I can do to stop it?  
  
Spinal-Sun  
_  
My advice to you is USE THE STINKIN' DOOR! YOU TWIT! YOU MUST GET SUGAR HIGH A LITTLE TOO OFTEN! Our next letter was sent in by Mihara Chiharu. She writes -  
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_I have a big collection of stuffed animals. It's getting so crowded in my room I can barely walk. Any ideas?  
  
Mihara Chiharu_  
  
Why, yes, I do have one. SELL YOUR STINKIN' STUFFED ANIMALS! YOU CAN'T HOLD ON TO THEM FOREVER! Our last letter was sent in by Mizuki Kaho. She writes -   
  
_Dear Tomoyo,_ [That's Me!]  
  
_I am obsessed with my bell thing. It makes a pretty sound and it knocks down walls. I eat, sleep, and live with my bell. I even feed it. Any hope for me?  
  
Mizuki Kaho_  
  
Well, why don't YOU AND SAKURA MERRILY WALK TO THE PSYCHIARIST TOGETHER SO YOU AN GET YOUR HEADS CHECKED! GEEZE! Well, that's all the time we have today! See you next time everybody!  
  
THE END  
  
[Rolling on floor laughing] PLEASE SEND ME A STINKIN' REVIEW! [More laughing]  
  
~*~ The Flower Child ~*~  
**


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